Being a parent is hard. We all know this. There are a thousand upbeat blogs and a thousand sarcastic ones devoted to the difficulties of parenthood. There are a thousand more devoted to mommy wars. And I’m sick of all of them.
For the most part I just do what works best for me and leave it at that. I’m all about growing and learning but contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, I do most of it in real life (I’m sorry, IRL). But I do also have a fair amount that I share online about our life and things I come across. And lately I feel bombarded by the mommy wars. It feels like you can’t say, ask, answer, or suggest anything without somehow offending someone or bringing down lightning bolts of censure. It doesn’t matter which side of things you fall on, someone takes offense and/or judges you. Whatever it is, I guarantee I don’t fall 100% on either side. I don’t know that anyone fits into any box and I hope they don’t want to.
Lately I’m just tired. I’m so very tired of the people who choose sides and fight tooth and nail to disparage and discredit the “other side.” Why? What does anyone gain by tearing someone else down?
I don’t often feel judged but it can be heartbreaking and/or infuriating when I do feel it. And unfortunately, I’m sure that even with the best of intentions I’ve made others feel judged. I’m sick of feeling inferior as a mother and I’m just as sick of feeling superior in any way. I’m sick of feeling like I should justify every decision I make as a mother or that my husband makes as a father. I’m sick of feeling relieved that I don’t have to do it alone and I’m sick of feeling guilty that it’s really hard for me even with a partner. I’m sick of being afraid to speak about any aspect of motherhood for fear of offending someone. I’m sick of feeling judged by other moms who say, “…but you have to do what’s right for your family…” even as I say those same words to other mothers and completely mean them. I’m sick of feeling like I’ve got it all under control and then realizing that I really, really don’t.
So I’m not judging you. Just know that. Because I’m ok with not having it all together. I’m glad I know that I don’t. I’m thankful I can learn from others and that there are others who want to learn from me. Let’s just focus on being the best parents we can be for our kids and worry a little less about what so and so down the block does in her house. Because honestly some days I’m thriving and some days I’m surviving and I’m immensely thankful for the opportunity to do both.